I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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