I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
