I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
