Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
