There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
