I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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