yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
