I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you had me at cake vodka
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
