Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
