My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
