Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
