I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
