I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
