Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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