I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
