I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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