please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize