I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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