I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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