I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
