i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
