I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
