Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
