I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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