Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
