that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
babies were throwing up all over the place
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
