Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm like, not good at living.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
