After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
