Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
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I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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