...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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