I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Buhtt sex?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
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and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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