I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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