Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
