Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
