Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
