absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
