Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week