I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.