His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.