I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This Girlâ€™s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?