I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize