do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
