garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
