Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
