She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
porn star boner night. come get it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
