What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize