Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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