the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
