I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
