yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
