I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
