I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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