I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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