Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
