It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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