Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
