I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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