At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
