After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
