real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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