He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
