Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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