can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
