Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
